Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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