So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
