I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
