What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
