I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
