Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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