If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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