his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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