My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
