Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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