I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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