So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
