i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
