Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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