then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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