the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
