smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
