there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
