For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
