The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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