just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
