im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
