I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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