Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
