Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
