Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's blow job season.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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