So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
