I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
