God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
