Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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