He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
