What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
