it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
