You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
