ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
