there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
