I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
