it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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