remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
