"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
