after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
