Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
