i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
