Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
