Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
