Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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