Kiss
Puke
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
