normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
