who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
