I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
